OFF

The Beginning

Posted On Monday, August 16th, 2010 By H0les_23

Hello and Welcome to my journey into Porn! Mostly I will be talking about BDSM porn as I am currently working behind the scenes with it, but I’ll also randomly share other things that might pique my interest as well.  For more detail on what my plans are for this blog check out What It’s all About.  I’m quite excited to have a place to openly share my feelings! When I think about it my mind goes a million miles a minute! There is so much I’d love to experience,  things I’m curious about but scared to experience, and others that completely shut me down to being open to personally experiencing it!  I’m all about the mind trips, so my goal is to open myself up to those things that aren’t so comfortable in my head.

I suppose you need to know a bit more about me to really appreciate how far I’ve come in just a few year’s time and why I’m so excited to make this journey publicly.  I was the queen of  “vanilla” the day I came upon my first BDSM images.  Before then my idea of Dominant mainly generalized around that natural Man over Woman religious stance, my acceptance of gay couples and their being a natural curve for that, and the general leadership role of a person being dominant in day to day life (Like a Boss, teacher,  officer, judge or religious leader).  A Dominant woman, for instance,  in my mind was a strong leader type that had nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with woman’s liberation.  Oh of course then there were the images of fictional characters like  She-ra, Cat Woman and Lara Croft in Tomb Raider.  Just kick ass women playing “generally male” roles.  A Dominant Man, in my prior experience was either a leader type who could be someone to really look up to and who did good and helped people, or he was pretty much just an asshole in my thinking.  He was predetermined by me to be a heartless prick with serious underlying psychological issues, or a power freak for the same reasons.  The thought of any man “hurting” a woman is something that simply gets under my skin. The thought of any man dominating me was a huge no no. I was raised by men as an equal for the most part, and when I grew up and got to know my Mom I found her to be a “strong woman” and I was taught relentlessly to never put up with a man hurting a woman, I was taught to fight, to be “strong” and to never let a man hurt me.  I was taught to never trust a man who wanted to overpower me and to never be dependent upon one.  Religion tried to teach me that a woman was beneath a man, but I just stood up in church in the middle of the sermon and argued with the pastor over that one.

It never occurred to me that a woman might actually WANT to be hurt,  that I might actually WANT to be hurt or to be pushed beyond my own psychological limits.  It never occurred to me that sex could be so exciting! Pleasurable, of course,  I’m very much a slut and I love it.  But I never thought before I saw those first images and started exploring what was before me that I might want to Dominate or be Dominated, or that fetishes went beyond some “weirdo” that thought feet were gorgeous or the jokes I’d heard about “Golden Showers”.  “Wow! So those things are really real!” How naive was I!?  Even more so naive when I think about all the times I got freaky in situations that I could have easily been caught in, or how I used to tie my boyfriends to the bed and “take advantage” of them.  So really, not all of this is new to me, but what pushes my reality mostly is the Pain!

Humiliation,  REAL slaves, tears, pleasure, degradation, pain, orgasms, bondage,  TRUST, lifestyle, filth, fear, consent,  PLEASURE! (did I say that already? Hmmm!! All these things just intrigue and excite me.  So that’s then, and this is now! I hope you enjoy.

~Holes

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